I believe in God. But for me religion or the philosophy of life is two different thing. To find yourself or soul searching is always a difficult thing. 25 years have passed and From a human perspective it is almost 1/3 of my life is over. Just a student, waiting to get in to the professional world, don’t have any solid earning, love someone but not yet settled, trying to find a balance between the expectation of my parents, friends, love and mine.. seems to make this life a bit complicated. Yea.. that totally contradicts one of my previous post water..

So i can say Life is as complicated as a simple thing. Because some times it is the hardest thing to find what you have just in front of you. Life a wide spectacles you can see it through and not realizing it’s presence.  Philosophy might be something like that. You life your life according to your unknown motto and trying to find what is it. As you go on with the days you change and you think what you have known yourself is not the answer. During my college period black is the color and trust me there was not a single Non-black color T-shirt in my cabinet. But now most of them are white. There are blacks also. It might me a bad example for the topic called “Trying to find a philosophy” but just sink 2 inch below the color and you will see my love for T-shirt is still here.

The albums in your mp3 player change, the promises between friends became childish stubbornness and when you remind them about the old days they say grow up. We are growing up and going back to the beginning also. Only 2/3 left according to my calculation but who knows when it will end. But We try to look forward for a better future and similarly we try to find the philosophy of the life.

I am still trying to find a philosophy of my life. But may be it is just in front of my eye, may be i am so self centered to live the life that i can not find mine or may be I just have to let it go and eventually time will whisper it in to my ears..

This is a old photograph but for a unknown reason i like this one. It is something that reminds me the end of a long a tiring day. Let me explain a bit. It is not a hardcore habit of mine but i like to have a cup of tea after the dinner. The tea will have to wait a bit. I don’t like it too hot. I don’t know why after i get the cup let it wait for a while and then it became amazing. Smooth like silk.. Every sip washes the unaesthetic emotions left over as the day progressed.

I’m still waiting for my result of 3th professional examination. It is frustrating and i don’t have a slue about it. Even today’s last cup of tea didn’t wash away this uncanny feelings..

Still waiting..

Dusty, rusty and gray.

But I write with my green ink

to leave the blues out my way.

Like and unknow ally, my mind

ventures in this pages not too muuch.

But such occations come around

when in see my life turning

into something else and I

need to be me again.

So I write and read my words,

But I didn’t remember when

I wrote the last page. So

everything i write with my green ink

To make a new beginning  and

to leave the blues out of my way…

5:55 am: Got up from the bed and still everyone’s sleeping.

6:10am: Mom got up and i started packing. Leaving for Dhaka With in 30mn.

6:35 am: Got out of the house. Mom looked anxious.

7:15am: Bus started. I’m in C3… boring.

8:30 am: I should be asleep by now. errr… Am i losing my awesome ability to go to sleep anytime I want.

9:07am: My spider sense is telling me there is something wrong with the space time continuum. And right that moment the girl in front of me started projectile vomiting..  and I shouted “SHIT..” i think it should have been “Vomit” (anyway both of them send with T)

9:15am: Pissed off about the regurgitation and went to sleep.

10:30am: Reached at “Food Village”, a big restaurant on the highway. Did my breakfast with Nan ruti and Buter dal. Surprisingly they addressed buter dal as “Chana Dal”. (Diya is laughuing).

10:40am: I’m always very fast with eating. Finished my breakfast. The bill was 30 taka. But it came out 35. anyway tipped the waiter 5 bucks. 6% and I AM NOT CHEAP.

10:50am: Talked with Mareen Apu and then bought and can of Coke. When I was young I have heard a rumor that someone found a finger with in a canned coke. i know i am not that lucky.

11:00am: Crossed Jomuna Bridge. The river is in really bad shape. Enjoyed an awesome 3D show in the sky. The clouds were really beautiful. C4 seat is empty. Wish Diya was here.. someday someday…

11:10am: There was an accident and the road was blocked. Our Bus was stuck and I hate this kind of situation.

01:45pm: Don’t know when i went to sleep. B3 and B4 were extremely annoying. I think there are going to Dhaka for Admission in Undergraduate. With is mush knowledge of physics.. erghhh… This is the third time they tried to trough tissues out of the window and it flew back at me.. Annoyed.

2:30pm: Already Reached Dhaka. I’m carrying all my stuffs in my backpack. But with me there was a 20kg bag of rice. And guess what the bag had a hole and everything was draining away.. WHY..

2:35pm: Got in to a No. 27 bus and everyone was saying you got a hole in your bag. I donno how many times i had to say that I KNOW.

3:00pm: Came home and lifted the 20Kg all by my own and it was not a good experience.. 5th floor seemed like Eiffel Tower. ( I am not whining)

3:30pm: dinner reservation at Adabor in my Uncle’s house. The rickshaw ride was like a lesson of belly dancing… the road was sooo BAD.. On a positive note it increased my Hunger..

4:15pm: Came back home again and had a shower.

5:30pm: Was planing to go to my Sis’s in laws house. Mom send few medicines for her mother in law. But i was on my way and it was already the time of Magrib’s namaj. Back to home. On my was back bought 0.5kg of sweet toast biscuit and a chock bar. Yumm…

6:15pm: Small talk, highly concentrated tea, salted biscuit and poorly heated rice cake from deep freezer… have to eat… In law’s house.

6:30pm: Found 5 books of dad in Apu’r Shoshur bari. The books are heavy and after 20kg on my biceps it was a bit difficult.

7:30pm: The Shundorban Currier service close their oparation at 6:30pm.. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT… (Nat Geo Style)

8:21pm: Electricity’s gone.. and surprisingly it came back with in 8 mins.. Damn..

9:25: Staring blogging and still writing..

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I don’t want to analyze it and make it messy.  Put a drop of  water under a microscope and microbes will starts to pop up…  freeze it, it will turn in to ice and hazy.  Put it on a hot ride and it will fly away. But it is never gone. Just look hold on for a while and look at the vast sky, the dribbling rain or the violent snowstorm.. all the equations have the same answer.. But what is the answer? you can ask me.

I have to confess, I do not have the answer for me. But even after that i know the fact that the answer will be something like water. I don’t know much about philosophy. Personally I was tagged as a safe person who do not want to take any risk. In my word a carrot, full of nutrition but do not have any flavor. But i don’t bother about that. Because i have something of my own, my mind or heart or whatever you say. And I am doing my own soul searching in my own way. May be i will find the answer or may be not. But the important thing is I have a hope inside me that someday I can see through the bigger picture.

PS. Almost 2 years over since the last post. Well Zabir will be a bit more regular from now.

It is a meme, but not the regular one. I went to Med early morning and the class got canceled. Walking my way home i was thinking what things I’m missing right now. The first thing that came in my mind is my beloved sunshine. Then i aging asked my self what else. So after thinking for a short period of time i came up with this 5 things that i really miss now.

Hardcore Slang

This type of slangs do not involve any particular member of family or any certain activity ( you know what i mean). These are slangs which involve breaking your body part or bones in to pieces. like

“Hulia bodlae dibo, Chopa vhaiga dibo”
Translation: I will alter the anatomy of your face.

Rain

I’m missing this natural phenomenon terribly. Not the drizzling type, I miss the heavy cats and dogs type of rain. The winter is coming and i have to wait for the rain for so long.

Geek Talk

It’s all about the string theory, molecular mechanics and antimatter. I miss the old days when we talked about this stuffs for hours after hours. Me and Atunu stuck in the jam with Kala salman and Roton who dedicated their lives to kill the bugs of the ears of all passengers with high pitch voice.

Mango

Good lord i miss mango and it made me so pissed of when the old lady in Fruto’s add made imaginary liquids from mango. But in the real life that thing contains preservatives, food grade colors with slight hint of a synthetic flavor.

And like the rain i have to wait for the sweetness till next summer.

Bicycle

For the first 10 years of my education life i used this things. Riding on two whiles is so much fun. But After moving in this big city didn’t have the chance to do it.

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These are the six things I miss. And you know what i miss the most.. my sunshine.

But this place not only exhibits a majestic view of life in the colour photography but also the canvas of Black and white can elaborate all the intricate details of life of Purano Dhaka. So last Wednesday 19th August, 2009 I went on a little adventure all by myself in the old town to capture its magic in “Black and White”

From Gulishthan I went to Thathari bajar in a rickshaw. From there I started walking. I move around Nobabpur, Shakhari-bajar, Tati-bajar, Islampur, Bikrampur, Jogonnath University, Banglabajar and finally from English Road to again Gulishthan. I was there around 3 hours and when I was returning home I was so weak that i slept all the way in the buss.

These are some of the pictures from the old town.

But I’m a fanatic of colours I can’t resist myself to pick up some coloured stuff from that place.

For a long time I was not in the street and I was missing the hardcore street photography life so much. And finally I had this solo venture to the other side of the BIG CITY.

I know I’m not that matured with B&W stuff. So tell me what do you think?

Akashe agun jalie debo… I will light fire in the sky

Did you ever stand in front of light and when you look back you can not see your shadow? It’s like the light is just penetrating your entity like you are nothing in this universe.

Today the sky was extremely blue. From violate to indigo to blue with red, golden yellow to scarlet every shades and tints was there. Its so instance that I can’t even breath this much blue. And suddenly with that a deep strange sadness came upon me. But I was happy because I know with all the sadness, sorrows and every little bit pain will go away because I am beneath this vast sky.

For last 7 days I’m within the walls of my little two room apartment. Being sick is a bad thing. With the pain and the sleepless nights my horizons were getting dark every moment. But now standing on top of 7 story building I think it was not a bad thing. Because with out the darkness you can not find the light. And strangely I find it true again. This sky, clouds and everything so beautiful, so simple. I can see peoples are waking in the road, little children are playing in the field and some songs from a guitar with a somky jazz voice. Its all so dramatic from here. It’s like I’m watching a theatre, just its a very true reality.

May be we can not understand this feeling when we are in the same plane in the world. Walking in the same road with everyone else. And now I’m 70 feet above the ground and this beauty revealed in front of me. I’m jealous of you God. It’s just me 70 feet above with a eye which vision is not even 20/20. It must be a great view up there.

In my little life i did see a lot of sunsets. From the roof of my Old home in Dinajpur me and my elder sister Mareen used to see every sunset of Autumn. Long ago that was. After the rain had gone only with the clouds with thousand colours we saw the sunsets. But every time it is different from others. Today suddenly it seems like a very similar sunsets not from that distance past. Then I remember its just the clouds. Stretching my arms out I just want to block the sun light and tries to see the clouds fading away.

I can see strange floaters in side my eyes. But I kept looking to the sun with golden red hue and gradually all the floaters are settled down with all my blue sadness that came to me just a moment ago. And I know they will fade with this sun. With the light of the day they will go away in the darkness.

I love this city. I don’t know why but I love this place. All the building in the horizon are now painted with red and black. It’s time to go. I wish my sunshine was here with me. Holding my hand and we would say goodbye to the leaving daylight together. Don’t you worry my dear.. We will have our time….

Ami akashe agun jalie debo,
Prodip hobo gohin bone,
Tomar shopno puron korbo apon mone,
Ar vhalobashbo tomae boro bechi kore,
Boro beshi beshi beshi kore…